A letter to anyone supporting someone who is grieving

First, we want to be the ones to say this:

Supporting someone who is grieving can be absolutely heartbreaking. Your heart may be breaking for the person who passed, while at the same time, you are trying to support someone else whose heart is breaking too. It is really freaking hard.

And we know you probably want to say and do the right things. And that you really don't want to make anything worse. But the truth is, there is no magic recipe for this.

Some of us wanted everyone to call us, check on us, and talk to us around the clock. Some of us wanted to mourn privately. Some of us wanted to talk about the person we lost constantly. Others didn't.

So before we give you anything else, we want to tell you something you may not hear for a while, or possibly ever:

You are a good friend.

You are a good friend for being here. For wanting to understand. And for trying to figure out how to support someone you love through something you cannot fix. And while there may not be a perfect formula, most of us would rather someone try and occasionally get it wrong than let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep them at a distance.

Which is something you can even say. You can tell your friend, “I know there are no right words. I'm probably going to say the wrong thing sometimes. But I'm here.” You can ask them if they want to talk about it. And then be brave enough to receive whatever the answer is. And if you say something you regret now or in the future, you can apologize. And if you feel like you did something wrong, you can try again.

We need you to know: You do not have to be perfect at this. But if there is one thing we would ask of you, from our own experiences with grief, it is this:

Be there for the long run.

Not just during the first few days or weeks. Remember your friend in the months and years that follow. That doesn't mean grief needs to become a full-time commitment for you. Sometimes it is a text or a quick phone call. Or remembering a specific date or saying the person's name. Just letting them know that you haven't forgotten.

We've made some resources based on our own experiences with grief. They are far from a perfect formula. And remember this: you don't have to get all of this right. You just have to keep being willing to show up. Thank you for being here.

Here with you, the Grief, Unlocked team