Grief often comes with an invisible scoreboard in society. Who is hurting more? Who is handling it better? Who is moving forward too quickly? Who is struggling for too long?
Many grieving people find themselves making comparisons without realizing it. We did. We compared our grief to that of family members. We compared ourselves to friends. We compared ourselves to people online. Others compare their current grief to how they handled previous losses.
The problem is that comparison rarely brings comfort. It usually creates guilt. Or other useless bad emotions on top of the grief.
Someone will always appear to be coping better. Someone will always appear to be suffering more. Neither comparison helps.
Every grief is its own
Every relationship is different. Every loss is different. Every life is different.
Two people can experience the exact same event and have completely different emotional responses.
Grief is not a competition.
There is no prize for suffering the most. There is no award for moving forward the fastest. There is no correct timeline. There is only the unique experience of learning to live with what happened.
A better question
Many grieving people (including us) spent years wondering whether they were grieving correctly. A more helpful question we have come to appreciate:
“What would support me today?”
Not what worked for someone else. Not what another person expects. Not what society says grief should look like.
What would genuinely help today?
The moment comparison loses its grip, attention can return to what actually matters. Healing, growth, and support.
And creating a life that feels meaningful again.
Because grief was never meant to be measured against someone else’s journey.
It was meant to be navigated one step at a time.