Dear you,
You are a good friend for trying to educate yourself on how to support the grieving. When asked if we could write a guide on what not to say, we decided to write this guide instead. Grief is so individual.
Showing up in grief
If you want to support someone who is grieving, start by asking, “Do you want to talk about it?” If they say no, let that be enough. Stay anyway. Silence is not something you need to fix. It is often the safest place in the room.
The person grieving does not have all the answers. Their needs may shift by the hour. What feels manageable in the morning may feel unbearable by dinner. That is not inconsistency. That is someone learning how to live inside a new reality.
You will probably say the wrong thing at some point. That is human. If you do, let them tell you. Listen without defending yourself. Let it land. Staying steady matters more than getting every word right.
Do not let fear of imperfection stop you from showing up. Absence hurts more than awkwardness.
As uncomfortable as it can feel, resist the urge to fill space with reassurance or explanations. You are not there to make grief smaller. You are there to help carry it.
This is not about your comfort. It is about their safety. Sit in the silence. Stay present. Let them lead.
That is enough.
xoxo, the Grief Unlocked team