Ask them
Do you want to talk about it? If they say no, believe them. Do not leave. Silence does not need fixing. Half the time it is the safest thing in the room.
For someone supporting a griever
Showing up in grief
You do not need perfect words. Most people stay quiet because they are afraid of getting it wrong, and the silence is what hurts. Showing up is the whole job. These six reminders can help you stay present without trying to fix anything.
They will not have it figured out
What felt okay this morning might feel impossible by dinner. That is not them being difficult. That is just what it looks like to live inside something this big while it is still new.
You will say the wrong thing
Everyone does. When it happens, let them tell you. Do not explain yourself, just listen. Being steady matters more than being right.
Do not let fear keep you away
Do not let the fear of getting it wrong keep you from showing up at all. Not being there hurts worse than fumbling the words.
Sit in the silence
It will feel uncomfortable, but try not to fill the quiet with reassurances or reasons. You are not there to shrink what they are carrying. You are there to help carry it.
This was never about your comfort
Sit in the silence anyway. Stay. Let them lead. That is the whole job.
What to avoid
Common phrases, and what to say instead
Six things that tend to close a conversation down, why they do, and a version of each that keeps it open.
You do not have to make their grief smaller. Listen, stay present, and let them lead.
Back to what to say